Dale Steyn WMD

Cricket:

1^st test…

So the first cricket test was a draw. And a bore if you listen to a few informed opinions. I don’t agree. Sure there was no result but we have become accustomed to results for every test match. I prefer looking at it like a boxing match where two opponents get a feel for each other before moving in. That there was nothing in the pitch for the bowlers is obvious and probably a bit wrong. You don’t want every partnership going for 200, 300 runs but with the no result I don’t have a problem.

The Proteas will take more out of the drawn first test against India than the hosts will. The samoosa munchers managed to out score our boys in the first innings, but that was only due to Sehwag playing a brilliant innings. On the third day Makhaya started chipping away at their wickets on that same pitch before the Steyn Train ran over them. 9 wickets fell on the same pitch for 159 runs… If you subtract Sehwag’s 319 from India’s 627 you end up with… a lot less.

Then the fightback continued as McKenzie and The Bearded One kept any chance of India putting us under pressure at bay.  The selectors obviously underestimated McKenzie’s will to play for his country. He chose not to go overseas and play for a lucrative contract as so many other discarded players do. I call on the president to present him with a farm somewhere close to a beach. Or give him a medal or something. As long as he keeps scoring hundreds, give him Zimbabwe. Amla has cemented his place in his side at no.3. The Beard has, at a young age, realized what he needs to do to be successful. He’s playing with the patience of someone in a coma and regards his wicket as priceless. The key to that is playing within your own limits and patience. Sure the testing times will come, but until then, Go Amla!!

What should worry the Indians is that we posted big totals without King Kallis contributing. It’s the two latest additions to our batting line-up that ran riot in Chennai.  And that Dale Steyn can even bring the pain on a track that flat. Just wait until the Mighty Morkel joins him. We’ll have them dancing around as they do in a cheap Bollywood movie.

Well done to Graeme “Frown till I die” Smith for keeping them fielding in the sun until the end of play too. If they want to play in that kind of heat, then they can field in that heat. Injuries and exhaustion will play a part later in the series and this is how you go about winning a series.

2^nd test…

Murder in Motera!! Steyn seeks and destroys!! Mayhem in Motera!! Sensational Steyn flattens India for 76!! These were some of the headlines early on Thursday morning. The bottom line however is that The Phalaborwa Express and Co. needed 120 balls to rip the heart, stomach and poephol out of the Indian side. India are the 20/20 World Champions and our boys needed exactly 20 overs to dismiss them for their second lowest score ever in Indialand. Steyn picked up his Michelle Pfeiffer (5 for 23) in 8 overs – the second fastest to date by a South African.  Not forgetting the contribution by Makhaya and Morkel, but Steyn is becoming unplayable. Very few bowlers have the potential to bowl the unplayable ball. Steyn bowls it regularly. And the more fired up he gets, the more unplayable he becomes.  We should keep him angry. I don’t care how. Get his girlfriend to cheat on him regularly. Tell him the Rand is weakening. What ever works. As long as we have an angry fired up Steyn in South Africa, we will keep winning.

Poor Gary Kirsten. He must have thought chicken peri-peri curry atchar  was on the menu last night with the way his batsmen were running in and out of the change rooms. We need to build a big first innings lead and hopefully bowl India out before having to bat again. I don’t see this happening easily though. So we might need to score a few runs in the last innings. It’s still quite a while to go before then but my bold prediction is Mark Boucher to hit the winning runs at the end of the fourth day and Steyn to be remembered for the biggest all out assault in the Middle East since the US invaded Iraq.

Rugby:

 Ahhhh the Stormers. Is Rassie Erasmus the best thing to happen in the Western Cape since wine was discovered in the Boland? I reckon he’d have to dominate the Super 14 for 10 years for that to be true, but what a surprise this team is turning out to be. Under the captaincy of Jean de Villiers the Stormers pressured The Force out of the game and in doing so picked up an incredible haul of 16 log points.  The Intercept Specialist also had a great game in defence and attack. Four bonus points makes up for the close loss to the Blues a week ago. Just imagine if that game went their way. But still we can’t complain.

The Force just never stood a chance. The fact that they were favourites counted until the game started with a Chavanga 5 pointer.  Here we have a wing who could keep up with, and quite possible pass Bryan Habana. Sure there’s a lot of work to be done, but he can defend, he can catch the ball and he can run like Forrest. He’s quick off the mark and unpredictable in attack. But now he has confidence and this should give him a huge boost. Just hope he stays injury free. He is my pick as Habana’s partner on the wings judging on performance thus far. Sorry JP Pietersen, you’ll have to score some tries.

Excellent games by Jean, Peter Grant, Chavanga and Schalk – who under the new ELV’s is only allowed to play for 70 minutes per match. An awesome team performance over all. Enjoy your rest. See you at Newlands next week.

The Sharks… a win is a win but I think that bonus point you missed out on might become important. They are still one of only two unbeaten sides in the tournament. The Hurricanes wil pose a serious threat to that record but maybe all the Sharks want is a challenge to step up to.

Bad luck to the Bulls for losing their game against the Blues. The one that got away it seems. Steve Hofmeyr’s team deserved a win and I’m hoping that they pull it off this weekend. The Force will be in pain from their defeat to the Stormers so it might be difficult, but come on Bulls. You have the quality players. Do it for the sake of the other South African teams who might benefit. If it looks like you’re losing give Bakkies the licence to punch Giteau out. One yellow card = no more Matt Giteau. Sounds like a bargain to me. Welcome back to Pierre The Spear after being off since before the World Cup. Great performance by Habana too showing  why he is the best wing in the world.

Poor Cheetahs.. Yet another close loss. Im cheering as loud as I can for them this weekend. They won’t get a better chance than against the Reds at home.

Same goes for the Lions. If you want to beat anyone on your tour you have to beat the Highlanders come Friday. I’ll give the Lions the benefit of the doubt and say they’ll pull this one off. I wouldn’t put any money on it though.

Awards:

Performer(s) of the week…

Tonderai Chavanga. The Aussie commentators seem to wet their trousers when he’s near the ball. Floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee.

Dale Steyn. Showing 1 billion Indians and the rest of the world, Dicky Ponting included, in the words of Bernie Mac… “We aren’t scared of you motherf*ckers.”

Team of the week…

The Stormers for going to Oz and tying them kangaroos down mate