Springboks vs Wales 2008

No… It’s my ball!!

Peter de Villiers has chosen his first team of his coaching tenure. What would Springbok rugby be without a little bit of controversy and this time was no different. Piet Snor chose to leave out Ricky January after a disciplinary incident that allegedly happened at a braai. Maybe he didn’t want to turn over the meat. But for PdV to decide to include Bolla Conradie in the team, Ricky must have crossed the line in n big way. Maybe tik? I don’t know.

So most of us have seen the Springboks of 2008 by now and know what these guys are capable of. Unfortunately some of our newer players are probably relatively unknown to the Welsh players. At the time of the Super 14, when we were all marveling at the speed and skill of our existing and up-and-coming Springboks, the Wales team was locked in a big European Choir singing contest that they call the Six Nations. They won this “Six Nations” thingy in the end – well done!! So to Ryan Jones and his choirboys, I have decided to invest my time into making you guys a bit more accustomed to some of our players. Just to get those awkward moments when you don’t quite know the person standing next to you, out of the way. By the way, like old Wacko Jacko used to say, We’re Bad, We’re bad, You know it. Shamone!! OK, So here goes you crazy bunch of choir-singing-Tom-Jones-listening-sheep-shagging fake POMs…

1. Gurthro Steenkamp

Since the beginning of time, mankind has searched for the ultimate front row rugby player. The Springboks have always had him. After the retirement of Johannes Petrus du Randt (you might remember him better as Os or as the guy who ended the careers of many Welsh props), Gurthro has stepped up and is eager to make the no.1 spot his own. Also known as Gurthro Spleencramp, he will scrum you into the ground hard enough to measure on the Richter scale. Don’t be surprised by his pace when he pops up between the centers or on the wing. The only skill he doesn’t have is a side-step. But that is more of a disadvantage for Wales than it is for us.

2. John Smit ©

The captain of the World Champions should need no introduction to anyone. He’s worth his wait in gold to the Springboks and considering that he clocks in at 116kg, it basically amounts to what we had to pay in order to keep those French teams’ dirty hands off our skipper. The last time he missed a lineout jumper, Crocs didn’t exist and the Y2K bug was a serious threat to our existence. Smit is the best hooker in the world, the best captain in the world.

3. Brian Mujati

The most feared Zimbabwean after Robert Mugabe. Mujati had an excellent Super 14 and is ready to make a mark on the international stage after becoming available for Springbok selection this year. Mujati does the hard work required of a front row and also loves the loose play and is a great ball carrier too. He has proven himself worthy of wearing Green and pushed World Cup incumbents BJ Botha and Jannie du Plessis out of the the first team and the squad respectively. Looks like the days when we picked quota props still carrying baby fat (read Eddie Andrews if you wish) are well and truly over.

4. Bakkies Botha

To join Toulon Rugby Club in France, their owner was willing to pay Bakkies the biggest salary in rugby. Chances were, he would have become the David Beckham of rugby. But luckily Bakkies wasn’t too fond of Posh and decided to stay home for the time being. Even though he only played at 30% of his ability and he was involved in a court battle at the time, he was still good enough to make the 2008 Super 14 team of the season easily. Nicknamed The Enforcer by Jake White, Botha has held many International packs at bay single handedly while his teammates were watching and laughing from a few yards back. Bakkies cleans out rucks like Toilet Duck cleans out toilets.

5. Andries Bekker

Bekker gets his debut Test due to the fact that Peter de Villiers thought it would be funny to see how the Welsh would react if we didn’t select Victor Matfield at 5. Bekker deserves his call up after a superb Super 14 where he showed off his workload in tight and loose play. He dominates the line-out, even snatching opposition ball without jumping – a feat not even done by the World Cup Final man of the match. He is the tallest International rugby player at 2.07m and once stole an opposition lineout ball while standing at flyhalf.

6. Luke Watson

What do the Springboks do when Schalk Burger gets injured? No problem. They select Luke Watson. Watson was controversially not selected when he was good enough to play in 2006, then selected to play Samoa when he wasn’t good enough to play in 2007. This year the selectors finally got it right by picking Luke who is always very high, if not on top, of the list of Super 14 players with the most meters gained, most turnovers won, most tackles broken and most Cape Town models dated. Watson gets the chance to show his skill, defense and poaching ability against Wales before Schalk makes his return against Italy by tearing some spaghetti eater’s face off.

7. Juan Smith

The real MVP of World Cup 2007. Smith doesn’t talk much. He does his job and he does it good. Possibly the best ball carrier in the world, Smith runs with one arm outstretched, swatting opposition out of the way. The All Blacks rate him as South Africa’s most dangerous player. The immovable object, the unstoppable force, he puts in huge hits and inspires his teammates by leading by example. His superb line out skills at the back rounds off a brilliant player. Smith is Mr. Dependable, the rock of the South African pack and as Fatboy Slim told us, “You can’t stop the rock.”

8. Pierre Spies

Anyone who saw Spies’ single handed assault on England when they toured SA last year, probably needs no more than the memories of that match to appreciate the quality of the man. He is built like a comic book character and plays the game like a demon. This Springbok team has a lot of speed and Pierre the Spear is one of the fastest. And if you think that isn’t enough, can you imagine how hungry he will be after being told that he will never play rugby again and being left out of the World Cup team through illness. Spies should prove a handful – for 4 opposing players at the same time. He is an animal and we are letting him out of his cage on Saturday.

9. Bolla Conradie

Injury saw Wales coming to South Africa with their 4th choice scrumhalf. So to prove to Wales that the Springboks can beat them in every department, Peter de Villiers decided to pick SA’s 9th best no. 9. Bolla, or B Diddy as he likes to be called, is the invaluable link between our brutal pack and our skillful backs. Picked amid controversy after the ban of Ricky January, Bolla has a point to prove. There are a few scrummies breathing down his neck so only the best will be good enough. The pressure should bring out the best in him.

10. Butch James

After watching the Sharks try to fill the void left by Butch with a versatile scrumhalf, a versatile fullback and a French frog at flyhalf, South African supporters will be glad to see Butch is back. Trained to perform clotheslines, spinebusters and rib-breakers in the WWE he moved to rugby later in his career, but the hits haven’t stop coming. Ask Stirling Mortlock, who has been leveled with the ground on a few occasions. Butch had never won a medal in his life, but he won his first last year at the World Cup and has built on that form. The man that changes the All Blacks’s backline attacking stance on inclusion for the Springboks, added to that last week by guiding Bath to the European Challenge Cup. Now the no.10 Springbok jersey is his and he’s ready for more.

11. Bryan Habana

The fastest man ever to step onto a rugby field (yes he’ll still take Ngwenya in a foot race), is hungry for tries. He’s 1,79m tall, weighs 90kg and goes from 0 – five points in half a second. He has is own song and needs 8 tries to better Joost van der Westhuizen’s SA record. Habana started last year by running against a cheetah to help a charity and he ended it by running away from 15 Pumas to send SA into the final, before taking home a World Cup gold medal and the IRB Player of the Year award for 2007. Quite simply the BEST PLAYER in the WORLD.

12. Jean de Villiers

The captain of the Stormers had a very successful Super 14 campaign and after missing most of his second World Cup in a row, he will be eager to prove he still is the choice 12. All round awareness, the eye for any gap, speed and good on defense, he is South Africa’s best centre. He is, along with Butch, the General in the backline. Able to change the course of a match instantly with an intercept or hitting a gap, I’ll nominate him for a try on Saturday.

13. Adi Jacobs

Adi has speed off the mark and will be through a gap before you know it existed. He has excellent distribution skills and will send Habana and Chavanga down the white line faster than Wendell Sailor snorted his. He will benefit hugely from playing next to Jean and will be given more than enough ball to do his magic.

14.Tonderai Chavanga

Ludicrous Speed!! Chavanga is as silent as a sniper and faster than a bullet. He is slick, can step better than Michael Flatley and will hurt any team if he gets the ball and the smallest bit of space. Two tests played, six tries scored, speaks volumes for his potential. He proved himself on defence and on attack for the Stormers this year. Northern Hemisphere teams might not know much about him, but the Kiwi’s and Aussies took note this year. He is the silent assassin. Habana and Chavanga. Habana and Chavanga. It’s the combination Springbok fans have been dreaming about for ever. Habana and Chavanga. It brings a smile to your face every time you say it, doesn’t it?

15.Conrad Jantjes

The man who lifted Percy out of the starting 15. Kick a high ball on to him and you’ll see the confidencewith which he gets underneath it. He is excellent in the air and has a massive boot only second to Frans Steyn. He adds stability and even more speed to the back three. He knows he will have to be at his best to keep Montgomery out of the side so beware.

Kick off is scheduled for 15h00 so that South Africans can start celebrating at 17h00. It’s the middle of winter here and we like to be good and drunk before it gets too dark.