43 years wait almost over

In a few hours’ time, The Proteas start the 3^rd Test against England in Birmingham. It’s not a must-win Test, but the closest you could probably get to one without being one, if that makes sense. The Proteas only need a draw from this Test to ensure a share of the spoils for the series. But that’s not what we want. We want a series win!! We want to conquer the fish and chip eaters like they conquered South African shores and the Bushmen back in 1795. The only difference being we don’t want to lose against The Dutch a few years later.

When Andrè’s mother wouldn’t buy him an ice cream, he started throwing a tantrum

If Graeme Smith and his boys go in for the kill and leave the “fourth most visited city by foreign visitors in the UK” (useless Birmingham fact #1), they will leave it with an unassailable lead and with a series victory intact. Hell, after pummelling the Poms in the city that hosted the G8 summit in 1998 ( #2 ), we can select Penny Heyns and Nataniel for the final test at the Oval as we would have become the first South African team to take a series victory in Little Britain for 43 years! Sure a little thing called Apartheid is probably the reason that it has been 43 years, but 43 years is a long time. 43 years is the amount of time Riaan Cruywagen has been reading the news on television. Sure, the television hadn’t made it’s appearance in South Africa until long after that, but we all know Riaan Cruywagen sat at his desk in Auckland Park reading the news every night at 8pm while he waited for the invention of television. 43 years ago people were still eating raw meat and standing in queues hadn’t been invented yet.

So this morning, when Smith leads his men out in the city that was named the third best place in the United Kingdom to locate a business ( #3 ), we need to launch an all out attack on England. We need Makhaya to lead the bowling attack from the front, Morne Morkel to pull another big performance out of his floppy hat. Dale Steyn’s injury is a big loss, but South Africa is the best equipped in the world to deal with such a loss. We simply bring in Andre Nel and we need Gunther to make a big, dramatic and aggresive appearance and get under the English’s sun-depraved, white-as-milk skins. Nel needs to bowl full and swing it late to compliment the other two in the attack who are more hit-the-deck bowlers. Michael Vaughn couldn’t buy a run in the previous 3 innings and he must be reminded that he isn’t just Dale Steyn’s bunny. Our bowlers will be waiting in line to have a go at him. We need our batsmen to all stand tall and show what they can do. What a time to hit your first double hundred Jacques Kallis!! The last time Graeme Smith went out to bat in the city that was the host for the first ever Cricket World Cup, a Women’s Cricket World Cup in 1973 (#4), he scored 277 – his highest Test score to date. My predictions for our batting is that Graeme Smith and Neil McKenzie will score hundreds in this Test. And this prediction is based on 100 %, absolute guess work that jumped to my mind during the last 10 seconds. Smith has performed well as captain in the series with bowling changes and field placings. The way he handled the media and gave England a few psychological problems and started with the mind games the day before the Test, shows how he has matured as a captain with experience. Smith has had to deal with more controversies off the field than probably any other international captain in his five years in charge and he was quick to point out what an effect the current selection dilemma England are struggling with, could have on a team.

Come on Proteas!!! Do it for all South Africans who are younger than 43 years!!